It's 4:12 PM Friday, April 10, 2015. When I awoke this morning I just sat on the edge of my bed with my eyes closed. I wanted nothing more than to sleep. So I found a place for myself lying down and stayed there until 2 PM, when I got up. I had breakfast and continued watching MASH episodes. The last was about a little boy who'd been wounded and the MASH unit couldn't find his parents or even the village he'd been from. Long story short, Trapper was going to adopt him. Meanwhile each of the main characters had their fair time interacting with him lovingly. The little boy was so cute, you could just eat him up. As might be expected, his Korean mother shows up near the end of the episode and takes the little boy with her. Mixed feelings were had by all, but especially by Trapper, who was heartsick, feeling like he had lost his adopted child, while he was also being happy that the boy was reunited with his mother. This story would make anyone teary-eyed, but it left me weeping. I thought about the grandchildren I wish for, desire, hope for and dream of, but may not have, or at least not before I am too old to appreciate them the way I want to.
Weeping also for my niece, Alissa who died in February, 2015. It's still so raw, tragic and sad. I wrote a eulogy for Lissy and in it included an explanation about a small silver painted pot she had given me for my 60th birthday, 3 years ago. It always reminded me of a Genie's Lamp. I think Lissy would have liked that connotation.The pot has a removable top and around it's rim, the words DREAM, HOPE, WISH, and DESIRE. Inside the pot were several little scrolls of paper neatly tied with little silver ribbons, on which I was to write a wish, desire, dream and hope. And so I did back in October, 2011.
Today I opened it up and took out all of the little scrolled and tied papers, unrolled them and on 3, wrote a new hope, wish and desire. On one I wrote, that I HOPE, despite my cynicism, there is in fact, an afterlife and that Alissa is finally at peace, tranquility and maybe even bliss. I further hope that all four of her grandparents souls have their arms wrapped lovingly around her. On another I wrote, I WISH that I will have grandchildren from Rachel and Jeremy whom I can read too, play with, love and cherish, before I get too old to appreciate it. On the third, I wrote a more selfish DESIRE, that I will always have enough money when I need it. There were a few of the originals that continued to be relevant and yet unfulfilled, so I just left them tied and in the magic pot. Magic lamps are the natural habitats of genies, who are magical creatures that grant wishes to people, when the lamp is rubbed and the genie comes out. I have my own personal magic lamp and my very own genie.